Closure
by ijustkeepswimming
Summary: Ruby struggles to come to terms with Charlie's death...
1. Chapter 1

_Hi everyone. This is the first chapter of a new story, starting off with Ruby on the beach, telling Brax that she can't forgive him for Charlie's death. The dialogue at the end of the chapter is taken directly from the show. Obviously in this, Charlie has died and it's more about Ruby but it also has Joey playing her part. I hope you enjoy it, although the subject matter might be a little heavy! Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter One**

It took all of Ruby Buckton's courage to approach Darryl 'Brax' Braxton as he finished surfing in the sea. Last night, encouraged by her former housemate, Leah Patterson-Baker, Ruby had gone to visit her late mother's boyfriend. Her hope had been that they might find a way to get past all the hurt and pain they had been through since her mother, Sergeant Charlie Buckton, had been murdered in cold blood at home.

It seemed like a lifetime ago that Ruby had been preparing to move to the city with her then boyfriend, Casey Braxton and both Charlie and Brax. They were all supposed to start a new life together, away from the Bay, where their worlds might not collide too much. In Summer Bay, Charlie had been a police officer and Brax had been a River Boy, a criminal gang that terrorised the town. But Charlie had given up being a cop for the man she loved and although it was hard to acknowledge now, Brax had been hoping to go on the straight and narrow and turn his life around.

But on the day of Charlie's final day in a career she loved, before her shift had even started, she had been gunned down at home by one of Brax's enemies. Jake had shot her in cold blood and left her to die alone on the living room floor. It had then been Ruby's heartbreaking decision to turn the life support machine off and let her go, once she had reluctantly accepted that her beloved mother would never wake up.

Life for Ruby had been hell from that moment on. Brax had practically held Charlie's broken body hostage at the hospital and he'd failed to show up at the funeral. Then he'd come drunk to the wake and insulted everybody. Since then, as far as she knew, he had been drinking excessively and getting himself beaten up on a regular basis trying to cage fight.

And as of last night, she also knew that he had been seeking solace by sleeping with other women. She'd gone to visit him to try and talk things through but the sight of Brax making out with some woman on the couch so soon after Charlie had died, sickened her. She wondered how many other people he'd been with since Charlie's death. Had he been with other women minus the two that Charlie knew about while she had still been alive?

For her part, Ruby had also turned to alcohol. She'd gone to the city right after Charlie's funeral and tried to drink away her problems. She'd attempted to start University without a single person knowing the truth of her tragedy. But Morag had sent her back home to try and deal with her grief.

Since then, she had pushed people away. When she'd realised that Leah was spending time with Brax and inviting him to the house, she had moved out in fury. She'd hit on her friend, Dexter Walker and hospitalised herself through drinking and not keeping a check on her blood sugar levels. Roo Stewart had then invited her to live in the house and every day, Ruby was grateful for the kindness of people.

But she was still utterly grief stricken and she felt incapable of connecting with the world around her. With every breath in her body, she missed Charlie – her sister, her mother, her guardian, her friend… her everything. Every time she closed her eyes she could see her on the floor or in her hospital bed, slipping further and further away from her. Her heart broke at all the things she'd never got to say. She had never imagined that there would come a time when it was too late to tell Charlie just how much she loved her.

"Hi," she said when Brax emerged from the water.

"Hey," he replied awkwardly.

"How was the surf?" she asked, for want of some way to break into the conversation she needed to have with him.

If she was ever going to move on with her life, she had to forgive him.

"Yeah, it was good," he said. "It was good. Listen, Rubes, about last night…"

She interrupted him.

"Brax, you don't have to explain," she said. "I get it."

"I wish I did," he replied. "You have to know that if there was anything I could change… If I could bring Charlie back… I'm sorry. I'm… I'm sorry."

She knew he meant it and that if it was a movie, she would forgive him, maybe even let herself be held by the man her mother had loved so much.

"You know everyone keeps telling me how we're going through the same things and I should be more understanding of your feelings," she ventured. "Maybe they're right. I know Charlie would want me to forgive you."

He looked hopeful. But the words got stuck in Ruby's throat.

"But I can't," she said sadly.

"Rubes…" he tried.

"I can't do it!" she said desperately. "Brax, Charlie isn't here to tell me anything! And she never will be again because of you and your little gang war that took her away from me! I can't get past that. I'm sorry but I cannot get past that and I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive you."

With her heart breaking, she turned and walked away.

* * *

_Next time… when Ruby goes through some of Charlie's things, she makes a discovery…_


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you for going with this story. It's not the nicest, what with Charlie being dead (and I'm afraid there will be no 'she was in witness protection' saga that the show loves so much) but I hope you like it anyway. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Two**

Arriving back at the caravan park, where Roo Stewart had asked her to move in while she healed from Charlie's death, Ruby didn't say hello to anybody. She headed up to her room, locked the door, flung herself onto her bed and wept.

After several minutes, she sat up and rubbed her eyes. Her heart seemed to physically hurt every time she thought about her mother. She was angry with Brax for putting them in a position for Charlie to get killed. She was angry with Charlie for not surviving the attack. She'd survived getting shot only a couple of months before. Why couldn't she have survived this time?

Sometimes it didn't even seem real. Wandering around Summer Bay, she had often heard someone laugh the way Charlie did or wearing a perfume that brought back memories. The only good thing about her self-imposed distance with Leah was that she didn't have to smell the bottle that Charlie had bought her before she died.

Sighing heavily, Ruby rummaged under her bed. She had bitterly thrown out a lot of Charlie's things, something she regretted now. But she had a stack of photos and diaries, which she hoped to be able to look through one of these days.

Tearfully, she touched a picture of Charlie in uniform, standing proudly beside Ruby. She touched Charlie's photographed face and more tears fell.

"Why did you have to leave me, Charlie?" she asked aloud.

She rubbed her eyes and reached for one of the notebooks she had saved. Opening one, she saw that it was a diary from 2009. She didn't feel comfortable reading it but it was healing just to take in her mother's handwriting, to touch something that she had touched. Lifting the book to her face, she inhaled. It smelled exactly like Charlie did.

"Oh!" she said when several pieces of folded paper fell from the book and tumbled onto the floor.

She reached down to collect them, opening the first one. It was a letter from Charlie to her ex-girlfriend, Joey Collins, which had obviously never been sent.

Curious and cautious, Ruby read through the first letter. It was dated March 2009, when Joey had still been living in Summer Bay.

_My dearest Joey,_

_I feel terribly old fashioned to be writing you but I have all these emotions charging around in my brain. Everything is so confusing._

_I never thought I'd ever be in a position where I was falling for another girl. But I am falling. I have fallen._

_That day on the boat was one of the most amazing days of my life, even though it forced me to confront my feelings for you. I lied about having somewhere to be. I was just scared of staying too long because Ruby had suggested you might have feelings for me._

_I guess she didn't bank on the fact that I had feelings for you too. Well, I guess none of us did. But I cancelled my 'plans' because I was so infatuated with you. When it came down to it, I just could not bear leaving your company._

_When I thought I'd lost you yesterday, when you tried to run away from me for treating you so badly, I thought I was going to die. I have no idea how I managed to keep a level head when it came to finding you because inside, I was so broken. The thought of losing you terrified me._

_I guess that's why I kissed you last night. I'd like to say I regret it and put it down as a mistake. But I can't. It's made everything worse and even more confusing than it was before, which is quite a feat. But honestly, that was the best kiss I have ever had. I couldn't take it back even if I wanted to._

_The thought of losing you absolutely destroys me. But I don't know how to come out and be with you, face everything people might say. What if Ruby rejects me? What if I get gossiped about? And I know I should be stronger and rise above that kind of thing but I can't. I'm terrified._

_You have been so amazing through all of this. Even after everything I've said and done, you still came to me today and told me that you loved me. I have no idea how someone as wonderful as you could even begin to love someone like me. And I hate my ungrateful response._

_But please know that wherever we go from here, I am in love with you too. You're the first and only person I have ever loved. And I suspect you'll be the last, either because I'm brave enough to be with you or I push you away completely and spend the rest of my life missing you. You'll always be in my heart._

_Love Charlie x_

* * *

_Next time… Ruby makes contact with Joey…_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Ruby sat back on her bed, her head spinning. She'd read several letters written by Charlie to Joey but never sent. Ruby had known that Charlie had loved Joey but she had to admit that she hadn't quite taken it seriously enough. At first, she had thought Charlie was going through a phase. And when Charlie had cheated on Joey within twenty four hours of them making their relationship official, Ruby had been further convinced that it hadn't been as real between them as they had hoped it would be.

But for the week that they had remained an item, Ruby had to admit that she had started to believe in them. That's why she had advised her to fight for the person she loved. But when Charlie had obviously not fought hard enough and then got together with Angelo before Joey had even been due back, she had assumed that the bisexual part of her life was over. And the fact that Joey had never come home, had made her assume that none of it had been real after all for Joey either.

Now, she suddenly realised it was. Charlie had loved Angelo and tried to make it work with him but really, they had fought more than they'd been happy together and although it had upset her at the time, Ruby had realised that they were never going to have worked out.

Then Brax had entered their lives, a badly behaved River Boy with a well disguised good heart, at least when it came to the woman he loved… to Charlie. Ruby had genuinely believed that Brax had been the love of Charlie's life. She had believed in the four of them breaking away and starting again until Charlie had been killed so suddenly. But reading the letters through a second time, she was aware that as strong as Charlie's feelings had been for Brax, they barely compared to her love for Joey.

"She doesn't even know she's dead," Ruby realised.

Sighing heavily, she rummaged under the bed again where she had kept Charlie's mobile phone, turned off and unblemished. Turning it on, she was struck by the wallpaper. Charlie had a picture of herself and Ruby, taken on an afternoon at the beach several months ago. It was a happy memory.

"Please be here," she said to herself as she flicked through Charlie's contacts.

She breathed a sigh of relief when she found that Joey's number was still listed. Typing it into her own phone, she dialled quickly without really thinking through what she should say.

"Hello?" came Joey's voice.

It was strange to hear it after all this time.

"Joey?" Ruby said, her voice coming out in a high pitched squeak.

"Yes?" Joey said. "Who is this?"

"It's Ruby Buckton," the teenager replied.

She heard an audible intake of breath on the other end of the line and waited patiently for Joey to speak again.

"Hi, Ruby," Joey ventured uncertainly. "How… how are you?"

Ruby opened her mouth to speak but no words would form. She realised with a deep sense of grief that she couldn't tell her of Charlie's death over the phone. It wasn't fair. She hated herself for not thinking of poor Joey sooner. Roman and Angelo had both been told of Charlie's death through friends and relatives. One of them hadn't been able to come to the funeral because he was in jail and one of them had opted not to return to the Bay to pay his respects, having already settled himself in his new life, not wanting it to be disturbed. And as for Joey, the person Charlie had truly loved so much, hadn't even known there was a funeral to attend.

"I… not good," she managed.

"What's wrong?" Joey asked worriedly. "Is Charlie okay?"

Again, Ruby's words were stuck in her throat.

"Can I see you?" she asked.

"Um… well, I guess…" Joey said, not sounding all that committed.

"There's just… there's some stuff I need to tell you about," Ruby said. "But… but not on the phone. I can't do it on the phone."

"Okay," Joey said softly. "Do you want me to come to you or…?"

"No," Ruby said quickly. "I'll come to you. Wherever you are."

"I'm in Melbourne," Joey told her. "Are you sure you want to come here? It's a long way…"

"It's fine," Ruby assured her. "I could do with getting away for a bit."

"Okay…" Joey said.

Ruby could easily detect the concern in her voice.

"Shall I text you my address?" Joey asked.

"Yes please," Ruby replied. "When can I come?"

"Whenever you like," Joey told her. "And for as long as you like."

"Tomorrow?" Ruby suggested.

"Sure," Joey said. "Where should I meet you?"

"Flying would be quickest," Ruby mused. "Is that okay?"

"Text me your flight details and I'll be there waiting," Joey promised.

* * *

_Next time… Ruby breaks the news of Charlie's death to Joey…_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Ruby was grateful to land in Melbourne. Having only taken hand luggage with her, it was easy to get off the plane and find Joey rather than having to trudge through baggage claim. She paused when she spotted the pretty, young woman that her mother had fallen so deeply in love with.

"Hi, Rubes," Joey said affectionately, approaching with her arms held out.

Ruby flung herself at her, dropping her bag and holding on tight. Surprised and concerned, Joey held her for as long as she needed. Joey had spent the whole night fretting over why Ruby would need to see her so urgently. She was desperately worried that there might be something wrong with Charlie.

"Sorry," the teenager managed, drawing back and rubbing her eyes.

"It's fine," Joey said gently. "Although, you're really worrying me here!"

She tried to smile but only grimaced instead.

"Ruby, what's…?" she asked.

"Shall we get out of here first?" Ruby suggested.

The last thing either of them needed was a deep and meaningful in the middle of arrivals.

"Okay," Joey said, her heart beating too fast.

She bent to pick up Ruby's bag and led the way out to the car park. Ruby kept in step beside her, wondering, as she had been all night, how she was ever going to tell her that Charlie was gone.

"Is there anywhere specific you want to go?" Joey asked, navigating her way through the car park to find her own vehicle.

"No," Ruby replied. "Just… somewhere quiet."

"Are you happy to go back to mine?"

"Sure."

Nodding, Joey unlocked her car. Opening the boot, she put Ruby's bag inside and politely opened the passenger door for her. Ruby climbed in, settling herself as Joey made her way round to the other side.

"I didn't know you drove," Ruby commented, as Joey strapped herself in and prepare to pull out of her space.

"I've had my licence for a while," Joey explained. "But I always flitted between having a car and not depending on finances."

Ruby nodded.

"What do you do for a living now?" she asked.

"I'm a qualified mechanic," Joey told her. "Mostly cars and bikes but we get to service boats every now and then and you know how much I love those!"

Ruby chuckled and nodded.

"You've always loved those things," she agreed.

Joey nodded. She kept a smile on her face as she focussed on the road, although her heart was still pounding at the thought of what might have brought the teenager over here.

"I remember when Charlie's ex-boyfriend tried to take her on a date on a boat and she freaked out because she had such strong associations between you and the sea," Ruby mused. "She panicked, stepped backwards in the road and got hit by a car."

Joey looked worried.

"She survived," Ruby told her, a familiar lump beginning to ache in her throat. "She just hurt her hip."

Sighing, Ruby couldn't help but think of how much of a fallout there had been after that day. A scar had prompted questions, leading Charlie to eventually explain that Ruby was actually her biological daughter and not her sister. Then Ruby had foolishly tracked her father, a rapist, down, leading to her grandfather murdering him.

"Are you okay?" Joey asked, concerned by the state of stress on her face.

"No," Ruby replied honestly.

Joey was relieved to pull into her driveway. She killed the engine and guided Ruby quickly through the front door and into the lounge. They sat on a sofa each.

"What's going on?" Joey asked.

"Charlie died," Ruby told her quietly.

Just saying and hearing the words destroyed them both.

* * *

_Next time… Joey is upset to have missed Charlie's funeral and Ruby shows her Charlie's letters…_


	5. Chapter 5

_Thank you to everyone who has taken this story on. I hate that the show killed Charlie off but I thought this might be a nice way to say goodbye! Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Five**

Joey stared uncomprehendingly at Ruby, who had begun to cry. She opened her mouth a few times but nothing came out.

"Wh… what?" she finally managed.

"She was shot," Ruby said quietly, wondering if her heart would ever heal.

"Was… was she at work or…?"

"No," Ruby said. "She was gunned down by the leader of gang. We found her at home, on the floor… She… We took her to hospital and I thought she'd be okay but she… she couldn't breathe by herself and it was only the machines keeping her alive."

Joey chewed her lip, desperately trying to process the information. She stood and paced. Ruby watched her through tear filled eyes.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," the teenager ventured.

Joey halted.

"Sooner?" she asked. "When… when did it happen?"

"At the end of November," Ruby said.

A lump ached in Joey's throat.

"That long ago?" she asked, her voice catching.

She sank back into her chair and held her face in her hands, resting her elbows on her knees.

"I'm sorry," Ruby said. "I… I didn't think. I know now that I should have told you. You could have… have come to the funeral. But I… I didn't know."

Joey looked up sharply.

"Know what?" she wondered.

"How she felt about you," Ruby said.

Joey continued to look confused. She and Charlie hadn't seen each other since the day she had sailed away from Summer Bay forever. It had only been meant to be three months but at the end of her long haul, she had been promoted to skipper. She'd hesitated, of course, but when she'd done some investigation and learned that Charlie was in a new relationship – with a man, of course – and had apparently forgotten all about her, she'd taken the job and never returned.

"I guess what we had was brief," she said softly. "But I loved her more than I've ever loved anyone in my whole life."

She rubbed her eyes as tears began to sting. Ruby mirrored her movements.

"I think… I think she felt the same," she ventured.

Joey couldn't allow herself to believe it. Charlie had broken her heart so badly, to the point where she wasn't sure she would ever truly recover. She had moved on and met someone new, although that had ended recently. And all the way through, Joey had missed her first love. And now she would never get the chance to have any sort of closure. She would never see her again. She was gone.

"I um… I found these," Ruby said, digging around in her bag.  
She handed over a stack of letters. Joey accepted them, her hands trembling.  
"What are they?" she asked, looking at the top envelope, which had her named written across in Charlie's familiar handwriting.

"She wrote you letters," Ruby explained. "She obviously didn't send them but I found them when I had to go through her stuff. But I thought you had the right to read them, to know they exist."

Joey nodded weakly, tracing her index finger over her name. She pictured Charlie, so heartbreakingly beautiful and dared to hope that what was inside indicated that she had loved her and that she had missed her, that she had wished things to be different.

"I hope you don't mind that I read some of them," Ruby added. "I know they were private but…"

"She was your sister, Ruby," Joey said gently. "Of course…"

She trailed off when she saw the stricken look on Ruby's face.

"What?" she asked.

"Joey, there are some things I need to tell you," the only surviving Buckton said.

Joey nodded thoughtfully. She put the letters down on the coffee table and sat back in her seat.

"Please tell me everything," she requested.

* * *

_Next time… Ruby tells Joey of Charlie's life with Angelo…_


	6. Chapter 6

_Yay! I had time to update this morning! I am going to get started on editing the next chapter of Dear Diary but I might run out of time for that one. For now, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Six**

"Things were pretty awful after you left," Ruby ventured. "Charlie was heartbroken over losing you. I don't think I've ever seen her that upset over a breakup, before or since. She cried a lot and threw herself into work. The only relief was that she didn't hit the bottle, like she's been known to do before."

She swallowed anxiously, knowing that the past two years of Charlie's life wouldn't be an easy story to tell.

"She didn't talk about you much," she admitted.

Joey looked down at the hands, not quite sure what to take from the statement.

"At first, I thought maybe she'd got over it or something but I know differently now," Ruby told her. "The letters that she wrote, they… They tell me a very different story to the one I knew."

Joey chewed her lip, longing to know exactly how Charlie had really felt about her. She'd missed her for so long and she was devastated to have missed her completely. She picked up the letters, holding them carefully but not reading them.

"Life pretty much spiralled out of control after that," Ruby explained. "When she realised that you weren't coming home, she started dating an ex-fling of hers, called Angelo."

Joey blinked several times, trying to stay the tears that were threatening to spill. She had been so close to coming home as planned and several times after that but she had always bottled out. She had been too afraid of getting her heart broken all over again. Now, she wished she had tried harder.

"They were a bit of a nightmare together, to be honest," Ruby said. "People were against them from the start because Angelo was the police officer that accidentally killed Martha's husband."

Joey nodded. She knew the story well.

"He was let off all charges and returned to Summer Bay in order to bring down a human trafficking ring."

Joey couldn't help but look surprised.

"There was something like that operating out of Summer Bay?" she asked.

Ruby nodded.

"Angelo and Charlie eventually got to the bottom of it, although it didn't end the way it should have. They caught one of the leaders, Hu…"

She trailed off and frowned. The last person Joey would want to hear about was Hugo Austin.

"Hugo?" Joey asked. "The guy that Charlie…?"

Ruby nodded.

"Charlie caught him and he nearly killed her," she said. "Then he supposedly died but without Charlie's knowledge, Angelo had put him into Witness Protection in order for him to rat out the rest of his colleagues. Then he went missing and a load of crap happened and… well, in the end, Angelo let him and Martha run off together and they haven't been seen since."

"How the hell was that a good idea?" Joey demanded. "He wasn't a witness! He was…"

"I know," Ruby said softly. "Angelo paid the price in the end and had to resign from the police force. But by the end of all of that, he and Charlie seemed pretty strong as a couple. They'd previously broken up because he found out about you, and not because Charlie willingly told him."

"She was still ashamed of me then," Joey sighed.

She clutched her letters a bit tighter.

"No," Ruby assured her. "I really don't think she was. She just… missed you. I think it was painful for her to talk about you because she never really let you go. Does that make any sense?"

Joey nodded, hardly daring to believe it.

"Then they broke up because Charlie realised that Angelo wasn't being honest about why and how he had returned to the Bay," Ruby explained. "Then they broke up again because Charlie didn't feel ready to move in with him."

Joey couldn't help but smile a little. Whatever Charlie and Angelo might have had, Charlie had had no hesitation in moving Joey in.

"After a pretty intense time, they got back together again," Ruby continued. "He told the truth about Hugo and Martha's escape to save Charlie and the rest of the station being investigated. And she supported him while he set up his restaurant and everything. It all seemed to be going well until he nearly cheated on her."

Joey looked immediately disgusted. She knew exactly how it felt to be cheated on and even if Charlie had been the one to cause her to experience that, she hated to think of her suffering in that way. She also thought that anyone prepared to cheat on someone like Charlie, had to be insane. Sighing, she realised that even when she had been angry with her, she had never ever fallen out of love with her. And she never wanted to.

"Charlie panicked and decided to move in with him after all," Ruby informed her. "We all thought it was a great idea at the time and we teased her about taking so long. I think we all thought they were love's young dream or something but well, the letters…"

She looked at the envelopes in Joey's trembling hands.

"It didn't last long," Ruby admitted. "They started fighting a lot and the next thing I knew, Charlie and I were back at Leah's. Dad died and I gather they had a one night stand but they never really went near each other again after all. I mean, they tried to be friends but they had both finally given up on the idea that they could function as a couple."

"How long were they together?" Joey asked.

"In total, about eighteen months," Ruby told her. "But like I said, it was a bumpy ride."

Joey nodded, comforted only by the notion that her few weeks with Charlie had been happier than over a year with Angelo.

"Was there anyone else?" Joey asked. "After Angelo?"

Ruby took a deep breath.

"There was," she said. "But there's something else I need to tell you first."

* * *

_Next time… Joey learns the truth about Charlie and Ruby…_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Ruby held Joey's attention as she waited to hear what the next piece of information was. Her ex-girlfriend's sister's arrival had been unexpected from the start and Joey doubted that feeling would end soon.

"Charlie isn't my sister," the teenager ventured.

Joey furrowed her brow in sheer confusion. She imagined surprise DNA tests that didn't make sense because just looking at and interacting with both Buckton girls would tell anyone that they were related.

"She's my mother," Ruby blurted out.

Joey's eyes widened and her mouth hung open in shock.

"Excuse me?" she eventually managed.

"When she was a teenager, she was raped," Ruby explained, the words sticking in her throat. "She gave birth to me and then ran away for a year. By the time she was ready to come home, I'd apparently assumed that her parents were my parents. They adopted me and… well, we spent the next fifteen years living a lie."

She studied the frown lines on Joey's face as she tried to get her head around what had been said. Tension gripped both their bodies as they attempted to deal with a situation neither had prepared for.

"How can you… be so calm about it?" Joey finally managed.

"Believe me, I wasn't at the time," Ruby admitted. "I put Charlie through hell when I finally discovered the truth. I… I wish so much I could take that time back."

She rubbed her eyes quickly but it was too late. Heaving sobs wracked her body. Joey moved quickly to sit beside her, pulling her gently into her arms. She rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head, all the while trying to hold back her own tears.

"It all happened after Brett ran her over," Ruby explained. "The Doctor noticed a caesarean section scar and although she and Dad both insisted it was from appendicitis, I guess it woke all the memories up. Morag started to get suspicious and in the end, Charlie told us that she'd had a baby boy when she was a child but that he had died."

She took a deep breath and sat up again, gathering herself together. Joey held her hand, not wanting her to feel alone.

"Then she changed her story and said her son had been adopted. I asked all these questions and everything and I guess I pushed her to breaking point," Ruby said. "I remember the moment so clearly. We were at home, doing the dishes after dinner and she told me who I really was, what I was supposed to mean to her."

Joey could picture the scene perfectly. She had Charlie's face etched into her memory and while it had felt like a curse when she'd first left the Bay, it was suddenly something she hoped she would never lose.

"I freaked out," Ruby said. "Angelo accidentally told me that I was the product of rape and that destroyed me. It still does. But I made a bad situation so much worse. I ran away to our Auntie Michelle's, where Charlie had gone when I was born. And then when I came back to Summer Bay, I moved in with Irene. I was there for months before I finally went back to Charlie."

She grew tearful again.

"I wasted so much time, Joey," she sobbed. "I didn't know it was running out. I…"

She rubbed her eyes again, prompting Joey to hold her once more. She knew exactly how it felt to have missed out on loving Charlie Buckton.

"And then… then I brought that monster into our lives…"

She cried harder and Joey froze.

"You mean…?"

Ruby nodded, full of shame.

"I was desperate to understand where I'd come from after all the lies," she said. "Charlie begged me not to but I defied her and I went to the city and tracked him down. I went there to tell him what I thought of him, which I did. Charlie realised what I was doing and rescued me but it was too late then. He followed us home and made our lives a misery until… until Dad killed him."

Joey swallowed, half relieved not to have lived through any of this but half regretful that she hadn't been there to support Charlie the way she had supported her through her own ordeal with Robbo.

"I'm so ashamed," Ruby said. "But I did waver in believing Charlie. Grant – that was his name – was very charming and convincing and insisted that she was lying about the rape. And I didn't want to be the result of something so terrible, especially after having seen what you lived through with… you know."

Joey nodded quietly and kept hold of her.

"Charlie went a little crazy," Ruby admitted. "She kidnapped and tortured him into confessing."

Joey couldn't fail to hide her surprise. But then, she couldn't swear that in that position, she wouldn't have done the same thing. Robbo still gave her nightmares sometimes and what he had done to her wasn't something she thought she would ever completely heal from.

"She knew it wouldn't stand up in court," Ruby said. "All she wanted was for me to know the truth. She was so desperate for me to love her and believe her. And…"

She broke down again. Joey held her a little tighter.

"We did fix things," the teenager managed. "We were so solid before she died. I'd moved back in with her and I accepted her as my Mum. I still called her Charlie but I knew who she was and I was happy for her to be my parent. I loved her so much and I just… I wish I could make sure she knew that. But… it's too late now. She was the most important thing in my life and I never took the time to tell her that. She died… she died not knowing…"

Joey held her closer.

"She knew," she assured her. "I wasn't even there and I know she knew."

Ruby looked up at her with wide eyes.

"You do?" she said.

"Charlie worshipped the ground you walked on, Ruby," Joey told her. "She never told me that she was your Mum but the love she had for you, well, knowing the story now, it makes sense. You made her happy just by smiling at her or spending time with her. She adored you. And I can't imagine that changing, even through all of that. She loved you and she told me that the one thing that made her complete was knowing that you loved her too."

They both cried in quiet silence.

* * *

_Next time… Ruby tells Joey about Charlie's relationship with Brax, which resulted in her death…_


	8. Chapter 8

_Luckdog, I can assure that I do not have stakes in any tissue companies! Lol. But from people's reviews, it might have been a good idea! I'm so glad you're happy to go with this one and I hope you enjoy the chapter. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Eight**

"How did all this happen, Ruby?" Joey asked.

The two women were sat side by side on the sofa, having been quiet for quite some time.

"How did she end up shot? Who would do that to her? She was so…"

Joey squeezed her eyes tightly shut and took a several breaths.

"Who could ever want her to die?"

"His name was Jake," Ruby said. "The police caught him immediately and he was happy to tell all about what he'd done. He was proud of it."

"Who was he to Charlie?" Joey asked. "Why would he go after her? I mean, I could understand if she'd been on duty or something but… but just to gun her down at home. I…"

She shook her head and rubbed her eyes. Even when Ruby explained, she doubted she would ever understand a world where her beloved Charlie had been murdered.

"He was the leader of a rival gang," Ruby ventured.

"A _rival _gang?" Joey wondered. "Since when was Charlie involved in any gang?"

"She wasn't," Ruby revealed. "But her boyfriend was. Or, well, he used to be. And I guess he kind of is again."

She shook her head. The constantly changing status of Charlie's relationship with Brax was possibly even more confusing than what she'd had with Angelo.

"She was dating a gang member?" Joey said in disbelief. "That doesn't sound like her…"

"She'd changed a lot from the person you used to know," Ruby admitted.

Joey nodded and fell quiet, waiting for Ruby to explain.

"Brax was the leader of the River Boys surfing gang," Ruby began.

Joey nodded, having known of them by reputation when she had lived in the Bay.

"He and his brothers and the rest of the boys started to come to Summer Bay more and more," Ruby said. "His youngest brother, Casey, enrolled at the local high school and so did some of the other younger boys in the gang. Casey and I started dating and Charlie was absolutely horrified. I thought it was because of her prejudices but actually, she was battling her own feelings for Brax."

Joey nodded. It stung to think of Charlie being in love with other people but then, she had loved someone else than Charlie too so she supposed her feelings weren't very fair. On the surface, it probably hadn't looked all that much like she'd given Charlie a second thought. They hadn't been in touch at all since her departure and she had done everything she could in a bid to move on. Now, her soul ached to go back and not move on at all. She longed to have had the chance to make things work.

"The first time he kissed her, she arrested him for assault," Ruby said with a grin.

Joey couldn't help but chuckle. She knew just how hot headed Charlie could be.

"She was pretty horrified to realise that she liked him," Ruby said. "He's kind of a complicated character. On the one hand, he's heavily into the gang and he's broken the law about a thousand times. He and the boys were always having run ins with the police, namely Charlie. I don't think even she was that clear on what he was actually capable of."

She swallowed and sighed, rubbing her temples. Her whole body hurt to tell the story leading to her mother's death.

"But on the other hand, he was really sweet," she admitted. "I can't be anywhere near him right now and rightly or wrongly, I blame him for what happened to my Mum. But she said she kept seeing him around, doing nice things for people and being helpful. And he loved her. I can't stand him and I'm bordering on hating him for what happened but… he did love her. I know that much was true."

She sighed again, leaning into Joey who put a protective arm around her.

"He'd kicked Angelo out of his own restaurant and he'd done a lot of bad things but he loved Charlie and he would have done anything for Casey. Their other brother, Heath, is a bit of a nightmare and far from the smartest guy in the world but Brax and Casey are tight and always have been. We… Brax, Casey, Charlie and I were planning to move away to the city to start again as a family…."

Again, the words hurt but Joey pushed through her own feelings, wanting to give Ruby to space and time to say what she needed to.

"It felt like she'd learnt from all her experiences and really wanted to make a go of things, you know?" Ruby said. "And it was perfect for me. I thought Casey and I were meant to be together forever and I liked Brax. I liked that he was willing to give up his 'family' for her and that he wanted us all to live an honest life together."

She rested her head on Joey's comforting shoulder.

"I guess I didn't think that much about how much Charlie gave up for him too," she said. "They kept their relationship a secret for as long as they could. I gather that Angelo caught them out before he left town to start a new life with Nicole and the baby…"

She felt Joey tense perhaps in surprise but continued speaking when she realised that she wasn't going to interrupt.

"And Morag knew and warned her off dating a criminal," she said. "One minute Charlie was about to take her Detective's exam and the next minute, she'd resigned from the police force."

This time, Joey did react. She jolted away from Ruby in sheer confusion.

"She resigned from the police force?" she asked, not quite believing it.

"Yes," Ruby said sadly. "The day she died was meant to be her last shift."

Joey settled back on the couch, resuming her position beside Ruby and holding her hand.

"Brax's life and Charlie's kept coming into conflict," Ruby explained. "She got into trouble at work multiple times because of the conflict of interest, although once I'd found out about her and Brax and so had people like Leah, she had confessed all to her superior. She got shot by one of Jake's gang because they'd worked out that the way to get to Brax was through Charlie. Then they kidnapped her to lure him into a trap and she ended up shooting the guy, Hammer, in order to save both hers and Brax's lives."

She shifted a little, wrapping her arm through Joey's and settling carefully against her. She hadn't realised the depth of her own loneliness until she'd found herself in Joey's arms. Obviously there was no sexual attraction but she finally understood the comfort that Charlie had always admitted to finding in her.

"I guess that's where it happened really," she admitted. "To be honest, it's all a bit of a blur. Everything got so confused. The gang rivalry was immense and Casey torched Jake's property. He went into juvenile detention for it and the whole truth about Charlie and Brax came out during his trial. She was totally humiliated and tried and failed to stay away from him."

Joey rested her cheek on top of Ruby's head, hoping she wouldn't mind the tears.

"Then Brax got framed for a crime he didn't commit," the teenager explained. "Charlie took it too far and staged an opportunity for him to break into her car and steal all the evidence. She couldn't live with herself after that and resigned. Then there was a car accident and she, Brax, Heath and Charlie's best friend, Bianca lied about it because Charlie and Brax weren't meant to be back together."

She shifted and looked directly into Joey's eyes.

"I'm not painting a very good picture of her, am I?"

Joey hesitated. The truth was, it sounded like Charlie had made a hell of a lot of mistakes and very obviously had her priorities wrong. But then, Joey couldn't deny that she would have done anything for the person she loved. And the person she loved would always be Charlie.

"She sounds very different to the woman I knew," she admitted. "But even with the stupid decisions and the sacrifice of her values… it doesn't sound like she did it lightly."

Ruby nodded.

"Things had got really complicated," she said. "She and Bianca had fallen out and when we made the decision to move to the city, it was only meant to be Charlie and I and hopefully Casey. During their breakup and Casey's trial, Brax had started sleeping with his lawyer, probably to make Charlie jealous. But it turned out that she was part of the team fitting him up for the crime Charlie bailed him out of."

Joey nodded, although her head was spinning rather over just how complicated Charlie's life had been at the end. Still, it had never been all that simple, she supposed.

"Brax rejected the River Boys and pledged himself to Charlie," Ruby concluded. "They got back together and the four of us were supposed to move onto something new. But Jake shot Charlie on her last day at work. She hadn't even got as far as her shift before he broke in and gunned her down. It was revenge for Hammer's death and the war with Brax and the boys. He murdered my Charlie and I hate him. I hate everyone that led up to that moment. Including myself."

She clung onto Joey as she wept.

* * *

_Next time… Joey reads a couple of Charlie's letters, written after she had sailed away from the Bay…_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

After an uncomfortable flight and the emotion of the day, Ruby had cried herself to sleep. Joey had tucked her up with a blanket on the sofa and sat beside her, her elbows on her knees as she looked through Charlie's letters. She'd read the first one, dating back to the first time they had kissed. From flicking through them, they seemed to range from then up to only a few months ago. Had she really been thinking of her all that time?

_Dearest Joey,_

_I can't even begin to tell you how unhappy I am. You left Summer Bay today because I hurt you so much and I can't blame you. You said you'd be back in three months and I desperately hope you will be. I am desperate for the chance to prove myself to you. If only you'd come home, I could be the person you need me to be. I would do whatever it took to prove my love to you, after so long of messing you around._

_Ruby told me to fight for you today and that's what I intended to do. But when I found you, ready to sail away from me, I didn't try as hard as I could. And that's not because I didn't love you. I love you more than anything and I wish I could take my awful mistake back. But I didn't argue hard about you staying because I saw in your eyes that it's what you needed to do._

_You've been through hell these last few months. You were raped and nearly murdered and then the woman that was supposed to be taking care of you, messed you and your feelings around. And then, when we finally decided to make a go of things, I cheated on you. It was the worst mistake of my life, which is quite a feat really. Sometimes it feels like my whole life is one big error._

_After all of that, you needed to do what was right for you. You need to get away and clear your head, heal your wounds and because I have caused so much pain for you, I know you can't do it with me around. Now all there is for me to do is to sit and wait for you._

_I miss you so much already that I feel like I can't breathe. I've just cried and cried. Please come home to me, Joey. Please don't let this be it. I love you. I'm sorry I didn't show you that sooner and better. Please give me another chance._

_Love always,_

_Charlie x_

Joey put the letters to one side so as not to wet them with her tears. Staying in the same position, she pressed her palms to her eyes until she could see spots. Sitting back up, she rubbed her face but the tears still flowed.

"I'm so sorry, Charlie," she whispered. "I'm so sorry I didn't come home."

Taking a deep breath, she picked up the next letter from the pile. It was dated July 2009, just before Joey was supposed to come home.

_Dearest Joey,_

_I'm currently stuck in the hospital with a badly damaged hip. Brett ran me over, although I do think it was an accident. And to be fair to him, I was standing in the middle of the road in a state of distress._

_Today was Aden and Belle's wedding day. I went with Ruby and my Dad and Morag and there was a big part of me hoping and fearing that you would be there. I don't know if Aden is still in touch with you or not but I know you meant a lot to each other._

_I was longing to see you and if I had half the chance, I'd tell you exactly how I feel about you and we'd get back together. But I was scared too._

_Although I still live in hope and that you still have a few weeks to go until you're officially not coming home, that's what I think the reality is. Even before Brett confirmed that you were never coming home because of me, I believed that I had seen you for the last time. I can still feel that final kiss on my lips and every time I think about it, I just break down._

_My reason for fearing your return, as well as dreaming of it, is because I've started dating someone else. As far as I'm concerned, it is casual and although it probably makes me a terrible person, I'd drop him in a heartbeat for you._

_The guy I'm going out with is my ex-boyfriend, Angelo. I know I've told you about him before and considering what happened when he left town, you'll be shocked to know we're back together. He got off for Jack's death and he's been reinstated at the police station._

_I wasn't alone in my horror at his return and the last couple of months have been really difficult. He's the Bay's most hated man and I experienced a lot of judgement for being with him._

_I don't love him. I can't see myself ever loving him. I fully believe that you will be the first and last person ever to make me feel so strongly. But I'm lonely and I hate myself and Angelo is going through the same thing so I guess that pulled us together._

_He was the only person living here that wasn't invited to the wedding so he collected me afterwards with the intention of taking me on a date. Unfortunately, his plan had been to take me out for a picnic on a boat and I just couldn't do it. Boats are your thing and they hold so many precious memories for me. I felt like I was cheating on you all over again._

_So I backed away and got hit by the car. Angelo was suspicious when Brett called you by name and said you weren't coming home. I was awkward with him and he concluded that my state of mind was to do with you, only he thought you were a guy. I corrected him and he dumped me because he was so shocked that I could keep a secret like that from him._

_I'm sad that my consolation prize is ruined now too. If I can't be accepted by the town pariah then what chance do I have? I know I've lost you. And that means I've lost everything. I don't know how to live without you, Joey. Please come home._

_Love always,_

_Charlie x_

Joey put the letter down again and stood up quickly, hurrying to the bathroom. She washed her face, leaning on the sink and glaring at herself in the mirror. She apologised all over again, breaking down in tears.

* * *

_Next time… Joey and Ruby read Charlie's perspective on the revelation that Ruby was her daughter…_


	10. Chapter 10

_Sorry for disappearing over the weekend. As I said in another update, it was my aunt's funeral on Friday and then I was very poorly the rest of the weekend. But I hope you enjoy this chapter. This one is a bit short but Dear Diary will probably make up for that! Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Ten**

"Joey?" said a small voice.

Bracing herself, Joey checked her reflection, took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door. She found Ruby looking meek and sleepy on the other side.

"Did your sleep help?" Joey asked, trying to keep the constant grief out of her voice.

"A little," Ruby replied, as Joey led them through the hall and back into the lounge. "Have you been crying?"

There was no point hiding it so Joey nodded.

"I've been reading some of the letters she left," she admitted. "I… I don't think I've ever regretted leaving as much as I do right now."

She sighed heavily and sat down on the sofa again. Ruby moved to sit beside her.

"Why didn't you come home?" she wondered.

"I got offered a promotion," Joey explained. "I didn't know what to do about it but then I investigated and found out that Charlie had moved on with Angelo. I thought… I thought she didn't want me to come back. I didn't think she loved me anymore."

Ruby put a comforting arm around her shoulder. Joey felt herself give way to more tears.

"I should have come home," she said sadly. "So many things could have been different if…"

Ruby hugged her tighter, not knowing what to say to make her feel better.

"Did I do the right thing by bringing you the letters?" she asked. "By telling you what happened?"

"Yes," Joey said without hesitation. "You did. I'm glad I know the truth and…"

She picked up the handful of papers and looked at Charlie's handwriting again.

"I'm glad that I finally know once and for all how she felt about me," she admitted. "I just wish it wasn't too late."

Ruby nodded sadly.

"I wish things had turned out differently," she admitted. "I wish she'd never been so stupid as to lose you. And I wish she'd never set eyes on Brax."

Joey nodded and selected a different letter, deciding to read it aloud.

_Oh Joey,_

_I don't know what to do. My whole life has just exploded and I have no idea how to cope._

_There was something I didn't tell you when we were together. It was something I've never told anyone. But it was something that, had we had more time together before I screwed everything up, I believe I would have been able to share with you._

_Ruby isn't my sister. She's my daughter. I was raped when I was a teenager and got pregnant. I couldn't cope with motherhood and I was still so broken from what had happened to me, as I'm sure you understand, that I ran away. By the time I came home, Ruby didn't know me and treated Mum and Dad like her parents. So I let them adopt her and we've all been living a lie ever since._

_I still don't know if I did rightly or wrongly by her but I do know that I tried to do my best. Unfortunately, now that she knows the truth, she hates me and I'm so scared that I'm going to lose her forever. She's moved out and won't take my calls. My heart was already broken because of losing you but now I feel like it's really never going to be healed. You and Ruby are the most important people in my life and now I don't have either of you._

Joey took several breaths before she continued reading. Both she and Ruby were finding Charlie's words hard to take.

"I didn't hate her," Ruby said quietly.

Joey nodded, staring at the words on the page.

"I never hated her either," she ventured. "It was just because we both love her so much that we were so hurt."

Ruby also nodded, sighing heavily and thinking that that was a nice way to put it. Taking a deep breath, Joey continued to read aloud.

_I keep thinking of how things could have been. If all of this had happened and I was still with you, might it all have gone a different way? Angelo has been supportive and I do think he's trying his best. But he blurted out that Ruby was the product of rape and that really didn't help._

_She's so broken over where she came from and I have no idea to comfort her. I just wish so much that you were here. You would help me. I know you would. You'd support me and take care of all three of us. Why did I have to be so damn stupid to let you go? I know you're not coming home and I know it's all my fault. But I just can't breathe without you._

_All my love,_

_Charlie x_

* * *

_Next time… Joey and Ruby read a letter about Charlie's decision to move in with Angelo…_


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

_My dearest Joey,_

_Tomorrow, I am moving in with Angelo. The rest of the world seems to think it's a great idea but I am so frightened and unsure. It's strange to think that I invited you to move back in as soon as we confirmed we were a couple and yet the idea of moving in with him has provoked panic attacks and vomiting._

_We broke up earlier this year because he was ready for us to move in together and was looking forward to our future. I wasn't even nearly on the same page as him and I kept trying to stall. We broke up for a while then but after he stepped down from his job in order to save me and the rest of the station from getting into trouble for a case gone wrong, I decided to try and make a go of things with him._

_We've been pootling along since then and it's been okay. He left the living together thing alone and I supported him as he set up his new business (a restaurant) and when his brother came to visit him, heavily in debt._

_But anyway, when Angelo was on his way back to the Bay from taking his brother back to their parents, he happened upon some woman with a broken down van. He gave her a lift to Summer Bay and on the journey, she hit on him._

_He swears he didn't cheat on me, although a part of me does wonder if that's true. What he admitted to was that he was tempted. He said that we were so settled down and predictable now that he felt like he needed an escape._

_I was angry and I was hurt. I was also incensed on account of the fact that he was the one who would have had us married with babies now if it was all up to him. I feel sick just thinking about that, you know._

_One of the first things I thought about when he confessed, was you. It hurt me so much that a man I am not in love with could consider sleeping with someone else behind my back. It made me think about what you must have really gone through when I went behind your back. You'd already gone through hell and then I made it worse. And whether I deserved it or not, you loved me. How could I ever have been so cruel and so selfish as to hurt you like that?_

_I don't blame you for leaving me. And I don't blame you for not coming back. I'm just grateful that no matter how much time has passed, I can still close my eyes and picture you with me. I can smell your perfume and taste your lips. I hope that it's an experience I will never lose._

_But anyway, Angelo nearly cheated on me and my knee jerk reaction was to suggest we move in together. I know it's something he wants and I know that I could lose him if I don't give that to him. I don't exactly want to do it. I have a horrible feeling that it's going to be a terrible idea. But I feel like I have to try. I don't want to be with him for the rest of my life. But I also don't want to be alone._

_I love you and I miss you so much, Joey. I wish you were here. I wish I'd got things right and that you'd never had to go away. But even with things the way they are, my biggest hope is that you're happy and safe and well. I hope you find someone who truly deserves you. You deserve nothing but the best._

_Love always,_

_Charlie x_

It was lunch time. Joey was preparing food for herself and Ruby, who had been reading aloud one of the letters Charlie had left behind. She put the salad aside, leaning on the sink and closing her eyes. She longed to have the chance to tell Charlie how much she had always loved her.

Realising that Joey was struggling, Ruby put the letter down and cuddled her. Joey sank into her arms and wept.

"I wish I'd come home," she sobbed. "If I'd…"

She broke off again tearfully. Ruby held her tighter, wondering if either of them were ever going to be able to stop crying.

"Do you think she knows?" Joey wondered, breaking away and rubbing her eyes. "Do you think she can see us now? Do you think she knows how much I love her?"

"I hope so," Ruby said softly, returning to her seat on the kitchen stool. "Do you think she's gone to Heaven, Joey? Do you believe in things like that?"

"I do," Joey said certainly, resuming her lunch preparations. "And regardless of the mistakes she made, she'll be there. She always had such a good heart, such good intentions. She was amazing. I've spent all this time missing her and I… I never thought it would be forever. I think a part of me had always left the idea of going back and seeing her. I didn't count on the time running out."

Ruby nodded sadly.

"Would you like to read another one?" she asked quietly.

"After lunch," Joey said. "I don't want to cry into my sandwiches."

She laughed self consciously. Ruby smiled affectionately at her, wishing as much as Joey did that she had come home and made it work with the love of her life.

* * *

_Next time… Joey and Ruby read a letter about Charlie and Angelo's break up…_


	12. Chapter 12

_I might not be as good at updating for a little while but I will do my best. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Twelve**

_My dear Joey,_

_I wonder if I will ever give up this past time of writing you letters that I will never send. Part of me wants to be able to let you go. But part of me wants to keep you here in my heart. I don't think I will ever regret anything more than losing you, and let's face it, my life seems to be one fuck up after another. I hope that shows you just how much you still mean to me._

_My latest drama is that, as I suspected we would, Angelo and I have broken up. We lasted what, three months living together? If that, really. It was a disaster from the first second. I knew I'd made a mistake but I knew I couldn't take it back._

_Ruby's pretty angry with me. I think she thought she, Angelo and I could be this happy family and I feel bad that it was never going to be that way. She's wanted a conventional home life from the moment she found out I was her mother. I shattered a lot of illusions in her world when the truth came out and I feel terrible that I have taken away yet another point of stability._

Joey paused in reading allowed when she heard Ruby sigh.

"Are you okay?" she asked gently.

"I gave her such a hard time about us moving out," she admitted. "I assumed it was all her fault and I got a shock when I realised that Angelo had actually been the one to end the relationship. I thought it was something about her commitment phobia or something. I never really knew what happened."

"You can't focus on every little thing you felt you did wrong," Joey advised, her voice quiet and un-accusing. "You said you were both in a really good place when she died?"

Ruby nodded uncertainly.

"Then that's all that matters," Joey told her.

Ruby nodded again. Joey resumed reading.

_But I can't live this lie any more happily than I've lived any others. The only time when I feel I was really truthful – ironic as it will sound – was when I was with you. I know I cheated and I know I lied but I was real about my feelings. Even if my actions didn't back me up, I loved you so much, Joey. I always have and I always will._

_You're actually the reason that Angelo and I broke up._

Joey broke off and reread the words silently.

"What does she mean?" Ruby wondered.

Joey frowned and continued reading.

_He found these letters. I was angry that he'd blatantly gone rooting through my stuff, although he denies that he did and claims to have found them by accident. How you can find secret letters in a secret diary, hidden in a bedroom drawer by accident, I don't know. _

_But of course, he was more concerned about what the letters contained. He read them all and angrily confronted me about them. I don't know if he was more upset that I so obviously love you more than him or that I was able to express my feelings to you with more depth than I've ever even tried to with him._

_We argued for days upon days and being at home was hell. I was happy to just carry on as normal but he said that if I didn't eradicate every part of you that I had – the letters, photos, texts and all that stuff – then it was over. He started by ripping some up. I tried to put them back together but it was too late so some of them have been lost now. I guess they're not really serving any purpose but writing just makes me feel closer to you somehow._

_And well, I guess my decision was obvious. I'm sitting here in my old room at Leah's, a single woman again and writing to the love of my life, the one that I will never forget but will probably never see again either._

_I can't even tell you how much I miss you. I wish you'd get in touch. I just want to hear your voice, even if it was for the last time. I love you, Joey. Please come home._

_Charlie x_

"Wow," Ruby managed, her throat aching a little. "I guess we know what happened now."

Joey nodded, the paper trembled in her hands.

"I feel kind of sorry for Angelo, I guess," Ruby ventured. "I mean, it's got to hurt to know that the woman you love loves somebody else. But… I don't think he treated her as well as he should have. Looking back, he was very selfish."

Joey sighed heavily and scanned the letter. She hated to think of how sad Charlie had been. She hated to think that all this time, they had been longing to be back in each other's lives and neither had made the first move. And now it was too late.

* * *

_Next time… Joey finds out about Ruby's life in Summer Bay…_


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

"Where are you living now?" Joey wondered.

It was the afternoon and she and Ruby had been talking constantly of Charlie, especially their shared memories of her from the brief time that Joey had been in her life.

"I'm living with Alf and Marilyn and Roo," Ruby told her.

Joey looked a little confused, having only known one of the people there.

"At the caravan park?" she asked.

"Yeah," Ruby said. "When you were in the Bay, I think it was Miles and Jai there."

Joey nodded.

"Well, Miles is living in Thailand," Ruby explained.

"How did that come about?" Joey asked.

"His twin sister is out there," Ruby told her. "After Leah lost the baby…"

"Okay, I'm confused again," Joey admitted.

Ruby apologised. It was hard to keep up with exactly what had happened and when.

"Miles and Leah started dating last year," she said. "And they were going to have a baby but she had a miscarriage. And I guess it kind of tore them apart. He moved in with us and everything but it just seemed to go wrong. There were fights about children and furniture and in the end, it was just impossible. I think he struggled to live in the same town as Leah because he loved her so much and she kind of didn't feel the same in the end."

"That's so sad," Joey said softly.

"Yeah," Ruby sighed. "I think that Leah and Elijah might get back together though."

"And Elijah would be…?"

"Sorry!" Ruby said with an embarrassed laugh. "Elijah is a Reverend and he and Leah got together at the beginning of 2010. They were engaged and everything but they broke up when she realised that he would be leaving her on regular occasions because he does missionary work. When he came back, we all assumed they'd try again but he'd married a woman over there to get medical treatment for her son."

Joey's eyes widened as she attempted to take all of the information in. Summer Bay was certainly a happening place.

"But I've seen them around and they look pretty close, you know, when Leah isn't bending over backwards to 'look after' Brax."

She pulled a face.

"I'm guessing this is why you're not still living with her," she said.

Ruby nodded.

"I went to the city straight after Charlie's funeral," she said. "I was running away, I guess. I stayed with Morag and was meant to be starting University and everything. But I just tried to drown my sorrows and when Morag realised I hadn't told a single person out there that my mother had just died, she sent me back to the Bay."

She sighed heavily. Joey gave her the space to continue her story.

"I moved back in with Leah at first but when I realised that she and Brax had got really friendly and that I'd be seeing him in my home on a regular basis, I kind of flipped. I just can't bear seeing him. Every time I do, I just think of her and…"

Tears took her by surprise. Joey immediately reached out to hold her.

"Leah and I argued," Ruby explained sadly. "I said he shouldn't be welcome at the house but she was adamant, like it was really, really important to her or something to have him around."

An unpleasant thought appeared in Joey's brain but she was too late to hide it from her face.

"What?" Ruby asked worriedly.

Joey tried to figure out what to say.

"Do you think Leah and Brax like each other?" Ruby asked with growing horror.

"I don't think anything," Joey assured her. "I don't even know the guy. And Leah's not a bad person. She wouldn't try and move in on Charlie's…"

She swallowed but looked resolute.

"Remove it from your mind," she instructed. "We're in enough pain here without added unfounded suspicions."

Ruby nodded and hugged her.

"So, what happened to Jai?" Joey asked, changing the subject.

"He and Annie went to study in Japan," Ruby told her.

"Wow," Joey said, genuinely impressed.

"Nicole and Romeo lived at the house for a while."

"Who's Romeo?"

Ruby cringed a little, trying to figure out what should be told and what shouldn't be.

"He was Jai's foster brother, who came to see him before he went to Japan," she explained. "But he decided he liked Summer Bay so he settled down there. He had a thing with Annie before she went to Japan and then when she came back to visit. She pretty much broke his heart but eventually he started dating a girl called Indi, who he's since married. But um…"

She chewed her lip anxiously.

"We had a one night stand," she admitted. "He thought things were over with Indi and I had a thing for him and… Charlie was so ashamed of me."

Joey put a kind arm around her and kissed the top of her head.

"She was probably just worried about you," she said. "You know how protective she is… was."

They both sighed heavily.

"So, who are Marilyn and Roo anyway?" Joey asked, turning the conversation a little.

"They both used to live in Summer Bay a long time ago," Ruby told her. "Marilyn is one of Alf's oldest friends and Roo is his daughter. Martha's mother."

Joey nodded, wondering how such a small town could be so busy. She took a deep breath and made eye contact.

"Ruby, could we go to Summer Bay?" she asked quietly. "Can I see where Charlie was laid to rest?"

* * *

_Next time… Joey and Ruby read another letter as they travel back to Summer Bay…_


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

It was a long drive back to Summer Bay. Joey had considered flying but there was something about her connection to Ruby that made her want to keep things private. They still had a couple of letters to read but they were spacing them out. Getting to the last line would feel like they had lost Charlie again somehow.

Stopping halfway through their journey, the two women revived themselves with food and coffee.

"Would you like to read one of the letters while we're here?" Joey asked.

"What if we cry?" Ruby asked in mild horror.

Joey laughed. They both knew they would cry lots but in their pilgrimage to obtain closure on the woman they both loved so much, it didn't seem to matter.

"Here's goes nothing," Joey ventured, taking the second to last letter out of her bag.

_Joey, you would be so ashamed of me. I am so ashamed of myself. The best romantic decision I ever made was being with you. Before and after, it's just been a total mess._

_Today, I gave into lust and slept with a man called Darryl Braxton. He's not only a River Boy but the leader of that terrible gang. He's everything I hate, everything I stand against. I'm a cop and he's a criminal, although he is proving difficult to catch. I don't know what I'm meant to do now._

Joey paused.

"Are you okay reading about this?" Ruby asked worriedly.

"Yeah," Joey said, taking a breath. "I can't be upset at her being with other people. I'm the one who didn't come home. I've had relationships the same as she has…"

Picking the letter back up, she continued to read.

_I guess it all started a few weeks ago. There was some sort of commotion down at the Surf Club and I ended up arresting him when, while I was warning him, he kissed me. I was so offended, so horrified. Here was this man, a criminal that I'd been trying to catch out for ages, kissing me. And I enjoyed it._

_I felt a tingle inside me like I haven't felt since the last time you kissed me. It was met with revulsion and shame so it wasn't the same but it was still intense. Anyway, I arrested him and we've spent a little while winding each other up._

_It doesn't help that Ruby has fallen head over heels in love with his youngest brother, Casey, who I am still not sure about._

Joey glanced up at Ruby who looked sad.

"I've barely spoken to him since she died," the teenager admitted. "He didn't come to the city with me after the funeral because Brax needed him. And I hate Brax and everything he represents. So I haven't been able to cope with being around Casey. I haven't been able to cope with anyone really. Until I came to see you."

Joey smiled sadly at her, squeezing her hand gently across the table.

_Brax is very attractive and despite his reputation, I do think there is some good in him. You couldn't get two people so badly suited to each other but I just keep finding I can't stay away from him. It's driving me crazy and I guess that's why I did it. I thought if I slept with him once then I could get him out of my system somehow._

_It didn't work and I have no idea where to turn next. He's the leader of a gang and I've arrested him, his brothers and his mates countless times. None of this makes sense and I'm so horrified to realise I'm interested in someone like that. But I am._

_I honestly didn't think I could ever feel like this again. You were the first person I ever loved and I still love you with everything I am. I'm certainly not in love with Brax but I can feel that tremble of connection with him that I had with you. Part of me doesn't want to ignore that but part of me knows it would never work._

_I love you so much, Joey. Whatever happens now and whatever good or bad choices I make, you will always have my heart._

_All my love forever,_

_Charlie x_

* * *

_Next time… Joey and Ruby read Charlie's final letter…_


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

Joey and Ruby had stopped overnight in a motel. With the emotions charging around in both of them, Joey was too tired at the wheel to complete the journey in one day. In their twin room, they sat on one bed each. Joey held Charlie's letter in her hand. It was the last one. She wasn't sure if she could read it yet or not.

"When is it dated?" Ruby asked.

"November last year," Joey replied.

Ruby swallowed uncertainly, painfully aware that that had been when Charlie's time had started to run out.

"Are you ready?" Joey asked.

Ruby nodded. Taking a deep breath, Joey began to read.

_My dearest Joey,_

_Tomorrow, I have my last shift at work. I can still hardly believe that I am leaving my life as a police officer behind. It has meant so much to me and I am scared that my Dad is ashamed. It sounds all too strange to say that I am putting love before work, but I am._

_Last time I wrote to you, I'd slept with Brax and I didn't know what to do. Since then, everything has got so much more complicated. For starters, we are a proper couple now. It feels weird to say that but it also feels right. I don't think anyone will ever compare to you but I do feel like I have the best that I could have aside from you. I don't know how much sense that makes but I guess you'll never read this so it doesn't matter._

_My relationship with Brax compromised my job a few times and when I had flouted the rules in a way I am deeply ashamed of, I knew I had to resign. Then things got even worse and we broke up but we missed each other. I agreed to leave the police force and Brax agreed to leave his criminal gang behind. Now we're moving to the city with Ruby and Casey and the plan is to have a fresh start._

_This time last year, I was living with Angelo and hating every second. Sometimes I wonder why I put so much effort into trying to make that relationship work when it didn't fit right. For a while there, I thought there was something wrong with me. I could never feel for Angelo what I felt for you. And though I feel differently about Brax to how I felt and still feel for you, it's the same kind of intensity._

_I still wish with my whole heart that I had been good enough for you, Joey. I still think of you so often and dream about what we could have had if I hadn't messed everything up. So many things still remind me of you and I have all the related items that Angelo wanted me to throw out when he found them. But in a weird way, making it work with Brax is about you. I fell so deeply in love with you and I ruined it. I've fallen deeply in love with him and I feel like I owe it to you and to myself to make it work. Does that make sense?_

_Brax knows about you too and he didn't react the same way Angelo did. I only told him a short while ago but he didn't reject me for not telling him sooner. He thought it was pretty cool and rather hot in a pervy kind of way that I had had a relationship with a woman! And I showed him your picture and he thinks you are beautiful._

_You are beautiful, Joey – inside and outside. I will always love your heart, get tingly when I remember your touch. I will love you forever, beyond my dying day. I wish I could tell you these things but I like to think maybe someday, somewhere, wherever you are, that somehow you'll know. I know I wasn't good enough for you and I sincerely hope that you have found someone who deserves you. I hope you're living an amazing life with a wonderful girlfriend. I hope you run your own trawler business and holiday on your own luxury yacht like you always wanted._

_I will never, ever forget you and I hope I will continue to hold you in my heart and write to you for the rest of my life. You did, do and will always mean everything to me. I love you._

_Forever yours,_

_Charlie x_

Joey choked on the last word. She put the letter down and leant forward, rubbing her eyes. Ruby hurried to sit beside her, putting her arms around her as she cried. She too was stricken. It had been written less than twenty four hours before Charlie had been gunned down in her own home and left to die. It had been less than twenty four hours before she had died, leaving Ruby to feel that her own life was over too.

* * *

_Next time… Joey and Ruby arrive back in Summer Bay…_


	16. Chapter 16

_I'm taking some liberties with this one. I have no idea whether Charlie was supposed to be buried or cremated but I've gone with the latter! Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Sixteen**

"Are you happy with that plan?" Joey asked as she and Ruby got closer to Summer Bay.

In the passenger seat, Ruby nodded, although her heart felt exceptionally heavy.

"So, I need to head for the caravan park?" Joey checked.

"Yes," Ruby said. "That's where her ashes are."

She hadn't been able to bring herself to scatter them. It felt like she was really saying goodbye forever. But with Joey by her side, she thought she might be able to cope.

"We don't have to do anything until you're ready," Joey ventured. "Please don't think I'm rushing you."

"I know you're not," Ruby replied, managing a smile. "But the only way I could get through it is if you were there so I think it's the right time."

They had decided to scatter Charlie's ashes on the plot that had already been set up at the crematorium. It was where Ross's ashes had been left and Charlie had said several times in the last year that that's what she wanted for herself. Ruby wondered if she had had some sort of insight into her own death. _No_, she thought to herself, _she had no idea. She thought she had her whole life ahead of her._

"Do you want anyone else to be there?" Joey asked.

"No," Ruby said. "I want it to be just us."

"You don't think you should tell this Brax guy?"

"No!" Ruby said urgently. "I know he loved her. I know that. But he couldn't even be bothered to go to her funeral, Joey. He just showed up at the wake, drunk and offensive."

She shook her head adamantly.

"He doesn't deserve to have anything to do with this."

Joey nodded, accepting what she said. She had no idea what the right or the wrong things were to do in this particular scenario. But she wanted to say goodbye to Charlie and she wanted to support Ruby as she did the same thing.

"Do you think I'm horrible?" Ruby asked meekly.

"Of course I don't," Joey assured her.

Ruby nodded and relaxed a little in her seat.

"Shall we get her some flowers?" Joey suggested.

"Yeah," Ruby agreed. "That's a nice idea."

"Ruby!" Roo exclaimed when the teenager walked through the front door.

"Hi," Ruby replied. "I'm back."

"I can see that," Roo replied cheerfully. "And I'm glad to see you."

She looked behind Ruby where Joey was hovering in the doorway.

"And who's this?" she asked curiously.

"This is Joey," Ruby introduced, encouraging her friend to step forward. "She was my Mum's girlfriend once upon a time. She's been… helping me."

Joey stepped forward and shook Roo's hand.

"Have you come to stay or…?"

"No," Joey said. "Well, maybe a few days. I haven't made a plan yet. I just… there's some stuff Ruby and I need to do."

Ruby nodded and headed past her housemate in order to collect the ashes hidden in her room.

"So uh… you were Charlie's girlfriend?" Roo asked, trying not to sound rude. "Like, romantically?"

"Yes," Joey admitted.

It felt strange and unsettling to be back in Summer Bay. There were too many emotions and memories charging through her.

"I didn't know she was… bisexual?"

"I don't think she ever really got her head around it either," Joey said. "We weren't together all that long and it went very wrong at the end but… we loved each other."

It felt strangely liberating to say that Charlie had loved her with absolutely clarity. For the last few years, she had wondered on a regular basis how Charlie had really felt about her. She just wished it hadn't been too late to do something about it.

"Well, I'm very sorry for your loss," Roo said sincerely.

Joey smiled weakly and thanked her.

"Ruby said you've been really good to her," she added.

"I've tried my best," Roo said. "But I don't know if I've helped all that much. She does seem to be handling things better now though."

"She's one brave girl," Joey remarked.

Ruby cleared her throat as she arrived downstairs, politely informing them of her presence.

"Are you ready to go?" she asked Joey.

Roo clapped eyes on the small urn and her heart sank.

"Is that…?"

"We're scattering Charlie's ashes today," Ruby explained.

"Are you sure…?"

"I'm sure that it's something I need to do."

"What about… other people?" Roo queried. "Aren't there other people that are supposed to be there?"

"No," Ruby replied. "Just me and Joey."

* * *

_Next time… Joey and Ruby go to the crematorium…_


	17. Chapter 17

_I wrote the final chapter of this last week while I was poorly so you have until chapter twenty one. I hope you enjoy it. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Seventeen**

"There's just… so much to do," Ruby said unhappily as Joey drove them to the crematorium. "I don't know where to start."

"What kind of things?" Joey asked, hoping she could help with some of them.

"Morag keeps nagging me about Charlie's will," Ruby admitted. "But I don't want to hear it. And she's put in a claim for her life insurance and I'm scared of that too."

"What scares you about it?" Joey asked gently.

"I don't what a few thousand dollars or something to summarise what my Mum's life was worth," Ruby admitted.

Joey reached out and squeezed Ruby's hand, keeping her eyes on the road.

"Try not to think of it that way," she suggested, returning her hand to the wheel. "Charlie paid into the life insurance because she didn't want you to struggle if she was gone. She wanted to help you during the worst time of your life."

Ruby nodded and hurriedly wiped her eyes.

"It's just that all these things seem so… final."

Joey nodded.

"We don't have to do this today if you don't want," she added.

"No," Ruby said, taking a deep breath. "I need to. I need to start letting her go."

Joey nodded, trying to ignore the lump in her throat. She couldn't even begin to figure out how either of them were going to say goodbye to the woman they loved so much.

Joey held the urn in one hand and onto Ruby with the other. Ruby clutched onto Joey, holding the bouquet of flowers they'd bought in her other one.

"I haven't been here since she died," Ruby admitted as they wound their way round to the Buckton plot. "They put up her the headstone and everything but I haven't been able to…"

She sighed, trailing off and ending her sentence prematurely. Squeezing Ruby's hand she encouraged her to lead the way to the gravestone. They found it quicker than they wanted to. They stood in silence in front of Charlie's grave, announcing her name and the dates of her birth and her death. The description read: respected police officer, wonderful mother, amazing person – missed, loved and cherished.

"They did the stone well," Ruby ventured, the words getting stuck in her throat.

She looked tearfully up at Joey who encouraged her to kneel down. They both knelt beside each other.

"The man I spoke to said that there would be a covered up hole to put the ashes in if this is where we want them," Ruby said, looking at the grass beneath them.

Joey nodded and felt around for a loose piece of turf. She found it, uncovering the hole and taking a breath.

"How would you like to do this?" she asked quietly.

She was trying her hardest to be strong for the poor girl who had lost her whole family now, aside from a step grandmother. But she was breaking inside.

"Maybe… maybe you pour some and I pour some?" Ruby suggested.

Joey nodded and handed over the urn. She watched Ruby struggle with the lid and then pour some of the ashes into the hole. Tearfully, she passed them over and Joey repeated the action.

"We love you, Charlie," she whispered.

Ruby nodded and wiped her eyes.  
"We brought you flowers," she said, laying the bouquet at the foot of the stone.

She glanced at Joey, wondering if she was doing the right thing. Was it weird to talk to someone who wasn't there? Was she doing this all wrong? Joey shifted her position so that she was sitting cross legged on the ground.

"Thank you for all the letters you wrote," she said.

Ruby mirrored her position, relieved that she didn't have to handle any of this on her own.

"I wish you'd sent them to me," Joey admitted. "I wish I'd have at least got to see you again. I wish things could have been different."

She rubbed her face, willing herself not to cry. But it was impossible.

"I love you so much," she said, breaking down.

Ruby put her arm around her, holding her close as they both tried to come to terms with their loss.

* * *

_Next time… Joey meets Brax…_


	18. Chapter 18

_There is a line in this chapter that made me think of a new story. I have written three chapters of it so when I've got a bit further, I'll start posting. For now, I hope you enjoy this one. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Eighteen**

Joey and Ruby had spent a lot of time at Charlie's grave. They talked to her and to each other, sometimes about how much they loved and missed her and sometimes about the more mundane stuff. Now, they had ventured back into town and sat in the car trying to figure out what to do next.

"How long will you stay here?" Ruby asked.

"How long do you want me to?" Joey enquired.

"Forever?" Ruby suggested.

Joey chuckled.

"That might not be doable but… I've got some time," she said. "I could maybe help you out with some stuff."

Ruby looked confused.

"Like maybe Charlie's will and stuff?" Joey ventured. "It might be easier to deal with if you have support."

Ruby nodded and sighed.

"Yeah," she agreed. "I guess I can't avoid it forever."

"What would you like to do now?" Joey asked.

"Is there anyone or anything you'd like to see?" Ruby asked. "Maybe Leah or… or your brother?"

Joey sighed. She supposed she would have to face Brett sometime. She couldn't exactly return to Summer Bay and ignore him, even if she had never forgiven him for his role in her and Charlie's breakup.

"Leah sounds good," she said. "I'm not ready for Brett just yet."

"He's not your favourite person in the world, hey?" Ruby said sadly, thinking also of his reaction to Charlie and Joey's relationship.

"No," Joey admitted. "Every time I think of what Charlie… did… I think about him. I think about how if he hadn't reacted the way he had, she might never have… and then we could have stayed together and… well, then things might not be the way they are now."

Ruby nodded and squeezed her friend's hand.

"They've got a new milkshake on the menu at the Diner," she said. "Would you like to?"

"Sure," Joey agreed.

* * *

"Joey!" Leah shrieked, stepping out from behind the counter and pulling her old friend into a hug.

"Hi, Leah," Joey greeted warmly. "How are you?"

They let each other go.

"I'm… I'm good," Leah said. "How are you? What are you doing here?"

"I went to find her," Ruby said, stepping up behind Joey. "I needed help."

She looked pointedly at her former housemate who began to look uncomfortable.

"We spent a few days together," Joey said quickly. "And then I brought her home. I wanted to… say goodbye to Charlie in my own way."

Leah nodded, looking sad. There hadn't been a morning since her housemate's death that she hadn't desperately missed her.

"How long will you be staying?" Leah asked. "I know VJ would love to see you."

"Yeah," Joey smiled. "I'd love to see him too."

"Hello again," Roo said, waltzing into the Diner to start her shift and approaching the small group.

"Hi," Joey replied.

"Who…?" Colleen said, peering at Joey. "Oh, you're that girl that Sergeant Buckton was… close to."

Joey nodded, her face a little flushed.

"Hi, Mrs Smart," she said.

"Always polite," Colleen praised, wandering back into the kitchen.

"It's really great to see you again," Leah said earnestly.

"And you," Joey said. "It'd be nice to catch up while I'm here."

She glanced at Ruby, knowing that they weren't very friendly anymore, and silently asking if it was okay. Ruby nodded without enthusiasm.

* * *

After their milkshake, where Joey had been greeted by VJ and also by Xavier, two of the only remaining people in town from when she had lived there, she and Ruby went for a walk along the beach.

"It was only over there that I finally told Charlie what Robbo had done to me," Joey said, pointing into the distance. "And we spent so much time out here after that, as friends and… more."

She sighed, her heart feeling like it was physically aching at the memory.

"She always loved the beach," Ruby said. "More so after you though."

Joey looked confused.

"When you first left, she used to come down here every morning to gaze out at the sea and wonder where you were," Ruby explained.

Joey tried to smile by tears came instead, surprising and embarrassing her.

"I so wish things could have been different," she said. "I suspected that when I left, it could be the last time I saw her and I tried to make it count. But knowing that it really, really was the last time, I would have…"

She sighed, wondering what she would have done.

"Honestly," she said, looking directly at Ruby. "If I'd have known how things would have turned out, I would have stayed."

Ruby sank onto the sand. Joey sat beside her, gazing out at the ocean.

"I wish you'd have stayed," Ruby admitted. "I know I didn't take the news very well at first but that was just because I was so shocked. It didn't take long for me to see that she was happier with you than I had ever seen her in her life. Being with Brax was the closest she came after you left but… well, I guess the letters told us everything we needed to know."

Joey smiled sadly, struggling to bear that the situation was really real.

"Speaking of," Ruby remarked.

Joey looked up to where Ruby was looking. A muscular, tattooed man with short hair and a strong jaw, emerged from the sea with his surfboard.

"Is that him?" she asked.

"Yep," Ruby said. "Darryl Braxton."

"Better looking that Hugo, I guess," Joey said rather sourly.

She and Ruby both laughed softly.

"She really loved him?" Joey asked.

"Yes," Ruby replied. "And I wish she hadn't. I wish she had never gone anywhere near him."

Joey nodded and put her arm around her. They looked up when a shadow fell over them.

"Hi, Ruby," Brax said, dripping water at their feet. "I haven't seen you round much."

"I've been away," Ruby told him, void of enthusiasm.

"Who's this?" Brax wondered, looking at Joey and trying to place her.

"This is Joey," Ruby said bluntly. "The real love of my Mum's life."

* * *

_Next time… Joey gives Ruby some advice before she runs into Brax for a second time…_


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

Ruby's words stung but Brax didn't let it show. He nodded, and reached out to shake the new arrival's hand.

"I've heard a lot about you," he said.

Joey nodded, unsure of what she ought to say. She could hardly think of a more awkward situation.

"And she's heard all about _you_," Ruby put in, her anger controlling her sense of reason.

Brax dropped Joey's hand and nodded. He looked at her, thinking that Charlie's photographs hadn't done her justice.

"Well, I'll…"

He gestured to leave, picking up his surfboard and departing. Joey and Ruby watched him go.

"Was I too hard on him?" Ruby asked.

"No," Joey said. "Although, he does seem to be as devastated at losing Charlie as we are."

"His guilt should be tearing him up inside," Ruby stated.

Joey nodded.

"If it is, what happens then?" she asked carefully.

"What do you mean?" Ruby asked, immediately suspicious.

"I agree from what you've said that he's at least partly to blame for what happened to her," Joey ventured. "But it's also true that there's nothing he can do about that now. He can't turn back time and make things different, as much as we both wish someone could."

"Are you asking me to forgive him?" Ruby asked in horror. "Joey, I thought you were the one person who…"

Joey interrupted by touching her hand.

"I'm not saying that," she assured her. "Everything you're feeling right now is valid. Your Mum, your sister, your best friend… all those things that Charlie was to you, has been taken away and you feel like you can't breathe for the grief."

Ruby nodded, tears starting to form as Joey understood exactly how she felt.

"But even if you can't forgive him," the older woman said. "You need to find a way to stop hating him being so prominent in your mind. You're never going to completely heal from what's happened but part of at least trying to get there, is to let this anger go. Brax is probably suffering enough right now and your feelings about him are hurting you more than anyone else."

Ruby gave into her tears and leant against her friend. Joey held on tightly to her, stroking her back and kissing the top of her head.

"I don't know how to live without her, Joey," she admitted. "I feel like I'm dying."

Joey felt her own tears fall, knowing how she felt.

"We'll get through it," she promised. "We'll get to a place where we don't cry every day. We'll get to a place where we can think about her and see her beautiful face and be happy that we had her in our lives at all without feeling completely overwhelmed and broken that she isn't here anymore. We'll get there, Ruby. Together."

Ruby nodded, still clinging onto Joey for all she was worth. She just hoped that she was right.

* * *

It was the evening when Joey and Ruby finally said goodnight. Feeling restless, Joey left her caravan and wandered back towards the beach in the dark. She was planning to stop by Brett's house the next day in order to at least trying to clear the air. If Charlie's death had taught her anything, it was that life was too short to hate people. Who knew when it would all be too late? But facing Brett was something she had to face alone. Ruby was suffering enough without Joey dragging her into her own family troubles.

For now, she wandered through the sleepy town where most businesses had closed for the night. She walked past Leah's house, thinking of all that she and Charlie had shared there. She remembered all the fun they had had and was pleased that those memories were stronger than the bad ones.

Walking down to the seafront, she gazed out at the beach, remembering the race that she and Charlie had, both becoming so competitive. Turning, she saw the car park where Charlie had finally confessed her feelings for her. They had kissed and cuddled, both feeling safe at last and then when they'd nearly got carried away, they headed out to a hotel to complete their night. They'd both been so nervous – Charlie because she had never been with a woman before and Joey because it was the first intimacy she had had after Robbo's attack. But it had been perfect. To this day, lying in Charlie's arms in that hotel, having told and shown each other exactly how they felt, was the best moment of her life. And she believed that it always would be.

"Joey?" said a voice.

She turned quickly, not recognising it.

"Hi," she said cautiously, as Brax approached her.

He looked like he had just locked up the restaurant for the night.

"Hi," he said, his hands in his pockets. "How are you?"

"Okay, I guess," she replied. "It's not been an easy few days."

Brax nodded and sighed. She supposed that he knew how she felt.

"I wish I could take everything back," he told her. "And I wish Ruby could see that. I wish she knew how much I loved Charlie."

Joey nodded.

"I can't say she ever will," Joey said. "But Ruby is a wonderful person so maybe when it stops hurting so much, things will change."

"Maybe," he said.

He looked up and into her eyes.

"I really did love her," he said.

"She's pretty easy to fall in love with," Joey replied

He nodded and managed a half laugh.

"She talked about you a lot," he ventured.

Joey looked surprised. She knew from the letters that Charlie had missed her, that she hadn't been open with Angelo but that she had been honest with Brax.

"She did?"

"Yeah," Brax said. "I knew she loved me and I loved her. We were all set to start a new life together as a family. But I also knew that she loved you just as much."

Joey smiled sadly.

"I wish I'd known that before it was too late," she admitted. "I had no idea she even remembered me."

"Well, if you had known, I guess you and I wouldn't have got along so well," Brax remarked.

Joey chuckled and nodded, well aware of the battle that might have ensued. She couldn't help but wonder who would have won.

"She adored you," he added. "She always said that the worst mistake she ever made was hurting you and then letting you walk away."

"It sounds like she really loved you too," Joey said. "I guess we were both pretty lucky to have her, even for a little while."

Brax nodded in agreement.

"Are you sticking around?" he asked.

"For a little while," Joey said. "I can't go until Ruby is a little more settled."

"I think Charlie would be glad that she's got you," he said. "I've tried to be there for her and I know Leah has as well but she hasn't been interested. I think Roo's looking out for her but… well, you're the only one she seems happy to turn to."

"I'll always do my best for her," Joey promised.

He nodded once more and went on his way. Joey headed back down the beach and sat down, still consumed with the memories of the woman she loved so much.

* * *

_Next time… Joey faces Brett…_


	20. Chapter 20

_This is the penultimate chapter. I hope you like it. Love, IJKS xxx_

**Chapter Twenty**

Joey left the caravan park early, hoping to be finished by the time Ruby came looking for her. She had hardly slept and once again couldn't get Charlie out of her mind. She missed her and she loved her. She blamed Brax for her death but at the same time, she was comforted that Charlie had been happy and in love before she died. That had to be a good thing, right?

Bracing herself, Joey knocked at the front door to her old family home. She had so many memories in this place, most of them bad and sad. But she was also a different person to who she had been when she'd lived there. Life had changed her and she felt stronger and more mature. She felt ready to face her demons.

When Brett opened the door, he stopped and stared her.

"Jo…" he managed.

"Hi," she replied, offering a small, awkward wave.

He stepped out and hugged her. She wasn't entirely sure if she was comfortable with it but she didn't push him away. It felt strangely nice to be held by him. Whatever had happened in the past, he was and would always be her big brother.

"When did you get back?" he asked, releasing her.

She followed him inside and perched on the edge of the couch. The house had gone downhill since she had last been there to keep it clean and tidy.

"I arrived yesterday," she said. "I'm not staying but I couldn't very well come back here without stopping by. It's been a long time."

He nodded.

"A very long time," he agreed. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," she replied.

It was true. She had missed the relationship she felt they could have had if only he hadn't kept letting her down. It still stung that he was so significant in her breakup with Charlie, the woman she would never see again in this life.

"How have you been?" he asked. "What have you been up to?"

"I'm keeping busy," she said. "Working, spending time with my friends…"

"Are you dating anyone?"

She knew, even after everything, that he was hoping she might name a man.

"Not right now," she said. "I've had a few partners but nothing long lasting."

He leant forward in the arm chair and clasped his hands together.

"I guess you heard about your… ex," he said.

Joey nodded, explaining that that was why she was there.

"I've been trying to help Ruby through it all," she said. "She's struggling. And I needed to pay my respects too. I feel awful for leaving her and I can't help thinking how different things could have been if I'd stayed or come back or…"

She trailed off sadly.

"She deserved to lose you," he told her, a little more venomously than she could stand.

She looked up sharply, glaring at him.

"But she didn't deserve what you did to her," she said firmly.

He looked surprised but not sorry.

"Why did you do all of that, Brett?" Joey asked, having spent years longing for the answer.

"Because she abused you, Jo," he insisted.

Joey shook her head and stood up.

"She didn't!" she argued.

Brett stood up too, watching her pace the room.

"She took advantage of you when you were vulnerable," he said. "That wasn't right."

"She did no such thing," Joey said sadly. "If you'd have just tried to be supportive, Brett. If you had opened your eyes and seen how happy I was with her. If you hadn't made the complaint and spread the news around the whole damn town. If you'd just left it alone… who knows what would have happened?"

"She still would have cheated on you," Brett said certainly.

"And how do you know that?" Joey asked. "What makes you so sure?"

"Because she was a bitch, Joey," Brett said. "She took advantage of you and she cheated on you. She hurt you. How can I stand by and let that happen?"

"You hurt me before she did," Joey stated. "And I don't think she would have if you hadn't."

Brett folded his arms across his chest and looked her in the eye.

"Well, I guess we'll never know now," he said. "And good riddance as far as I'm concerned."

Without uttering another word, Joey left. There was no relationship to fix now. It was over.

* * *

_Next time… Ruby makes a decision about her future…_


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty One**

"I'm sorry things didn't go so well with Brett," Ruby said sympathetically.

Joey hadn't filled her in on all the details but she had reported that she didn't plan on visiting her brother again.

"It was a long shot," she said sadly. "But at least I tried."

It was the evening and the pair were sitting in the Diner together having dinner.

"When are you going home?" Ruby asked.

"Are you sick of me already?" Joey chuckled.

"No!" Ruby squeaked. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Relax," Joey said gently, touching her hand. "I was joking."

Ruby nodded but still looked rather flushed.

"Why did you ask anyway?" Joey probed curiously.

"I was wondering if… if you had room for a stowaway," the teenager admitted.

Joey put her glass down and studied her friend's face.

"You want to come and stay?" she asked.

"I want to come and live," Ruby confessed.

Joey looked surprised but not horrified.

"It's just… everywhere I go and everyone I see reminds me of Charlie and I can't bear it," Ruby explained. "When I left before, I didn't do it the right way. I was trying to run away from my problems. But I felt like if I could rent somewhere near you or something, I might be able to start again properly. What do you think?"

"I don't want you to rent somewhere near me," Joey replied.

Ruby looked utterly heartbroken.

"I want you to move into my spare room."

Ruby's mouth hung open as she stared at her in disbelief.

"Seriously?" she asked, not wanting to hope too much.

Joey nodded. The least she could do was look after Charlie's daughter now that she wasn't around to do it herself. Even with the sadness surrounding them, she had enjoyed spending time with Ruby. She felt like they were closer than they had ever been.

"If you want to, of course," Joey added.

"I do," Ruby accepted eagerly.

* * *

Not wanting to waste any time, Ruby packed up her things the following morning, eager to leave and start her new life. She just hoped that it would work this time. The plan was to stop off and see Morag to deal once and for all with Charlie's will and life insurance. Now, she was moving around town in order to say goodbye to people. She had seen Xavier and April and made the effort to go and see Irene and even Leah, even though she was still upset with her. Walking back out of the Diner, she saw Brax and Casey walking up the beach after surfing. She hesitated too long and they approached her.

"How are you?" Brax asked, well aware that she was unlikely to tell him.

"Okay," she replied. "This is actually my last day in the Bay."

Casey looked horrified.

"What do you mean?" he asked. "You're leaving again?"

Their relationship was firmly over. He had even stopped trying to win her back. But he didn't want her to leave either.

"I'm moving to Melbourne," she explained. "With Joey."

"Charlie would have wanted you to stay here where people could look after you," Brax objected, wanting one of those people to be him.

He felt like he owed Charlie more than what Ruby was allowing him to give.

"I've got someone to look after me," she said. "I'm going to live with Joey."

Brax sighed unhappily. He wasn't sure he had realised until now how fond he was of the girl that had once supposed to be his stepdaughter. But if she hated him that much but felt a connection to Joey then he could get in the way. He knew that Charlie would trust her with her daughter as much or even more than she would trust her with him.

"Well, take care," he said, extending his hand.

Ruby hesitated and then shook it. Feeling just that little bit more peaceful, she smiled briefly at Casey and then went on her way.

* * *

Roo and Marilyn had organised a goodbye dinner for Ruby. Not wanting to get in the way, Joey had opted out and driven to the crematorium. She added a new bouquet of flowers to the grave and sank onto her knees in front of it.

"You had a lot to say to me that I didn't get to hear until it was too late," she said. "But I took every single word to heart and even if I can't see you again, what you wrote meant everything to me. I'll treasure your letters forever."

She took a deep breath, hoping that she could keep going without crying.

"I love you so much, Charlie," she said. "I always have – from the very moment I met you – and I know I always will. I'm so sorry that I didn't come home. I didn't think you missed me at the time and so I didn't come home but that's the biggest regret of my life. I wish I'd have taken that risk of getting my heart broken again. I wish I'd been brave enough to come home and show you how much you mean to me. I wish we'd had that second chance."

The tears began but she didn't bother to wipe them away.

"I know that you're in Heaven now though and it must be awesome, especially to be with your parents again," she continued. "I hope you know how proud your Dad would have been of you for making Sergeant. I know you'd resigned at the end but you were still an amazing police officer when you… died."

The last word choked out. She swallowed a few times.

"I want you to know that Ruby is going to be okay," she said. "She's coming to Melbourne to live with me and I'm going to take good care of her. I promise you. If you can see us then I hope you're happy with how she's coping. You've got such a brave daughter, Charlie. She's amazing. And I'm going to do my very best with her. I love you. I love you so much. You will always be the love of my life."

"Joey?" said a quiet voice behind her.

Joey turned to see Ruby hovering behind her. Outside, Roo was waiting in her car.

"I was ready to leave so Roo drove me over here with my stuff so we could transfer it to your car," she explained. "Sorry if I'm interrupting."

"You're not interrupting at all," Joey assured her.

Ruby moved to kneel beside her.

"How did you know where I'd be?" Joey wondered.

"Where else would you be?" Ruby replied.

Joey laughed softly and nodded. She had a point.

"I was just saying goodbye," she said.

Ruby nodded and began her own goodbye to Charlie. She held onto Joey's hand, feeling very emotional.

"I'm going to be okay," she promised her mother. "There won't be a single day that I won't miss you. I will think of you and love you always. But I know you'd want me to make something of my life if I can and I so want to make you proud. I know you never believed it but you're the best mother anyone could have. You gave me everything and I just wish I hadn't run out of time to show you exactly how much you meant to me."

She touched her fingers to her mouth and then to Charlie's name on the grave. Smiling, she watched Joey make the same gesture.

"We love you, Charlie," Joey said softly as they got their feet.

"Forever and ever," Ruby added.

They walked back to the car to start their new lives together.

* * *

_I hope you have liked this story, even though it has been quite a sad one. I just wanted to give Charlie (and Ruby) a send off that they deserved. I hope you've enjoyed it, if that's the right word. I'm in the process of writing five new fanfics so when I have more of a backlog of chapters, I will start posting them. I think the first one will be called 'The Funeral', based around Ross's funeral last year and suggested to me by luckdog. Love, IJKS xxx_


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